Champagne Problems Critique – The Streaming Giant’s Latest Holiday Romantic Comedy Misses the Sparkle.

Without wanting to sound like the Grinch, one must bemoan the early arrival of holiday movies prior to the Thanksgiving holiday. Even as the weather cools, it feels too soon to fully indulge in Netflix’s yearly feast of cheap festive treats.

Like American chocolates that no longer contain real chocolate, the service’s Christmas films are counted on for their brand of badness. They offer predictable elements – familiar actors, modest spending, artificial winter scenes, and unbelievable plots. At worst, these movies are forgettable train wrecks; at best, they are lighthearted distractions.

The new Netflix film, the latest holiday concoction, disappears into the broad center of unremarkable territory. Directed by the filmmaker, who previously last Netflix romcom was utterly forgettable, this movie goes down like low-quality champagne – appropriately flat and situational.

The story starts with what looks like an AI-generated ad for drug store brand champagne. This ad is actually the proposal of the main character, played by Minka Kelly, to her coworkers at a financial firm. The protagonist is the stereotypical image of a career woman – underestimated, phone-obsessed, and driven to the harm of her personal life. After her superior sends her to France to close a deal over the holidays, her sibling insists she take one night in Paris to live for herself.

Naturally, Paris is the ideal location to pull someone from digital navigation, even when Paris is covered in below-grade CGI snow. In an overly quaint bookstore, the lead meet-cutes with Henri Cassell, who pulls her away from her phone. As demanded by rom-com conventions, she initially resists this ideal guy for silly reasons.

Just as predictable are the movie mechanics that proceed at abrupt quarter turns, reflecting the rotation of old sparkling wine in the cellars of the family vineyard. The twist? The love interest is the heir to Chateau Cassel, reluctant to run it and resentful toward his dad for selling it. In perhaps the film’s biggest addition to romantic comedies, he is extremely judgmental of corporate buyouts. The conflict? The heroine sincerely believes she’s not dismantling the ancestral business for profit, competing against three stereotypical rivals: a severe French grand dame, a severe blonde German man, and an out-of-touch wealthy man.

The twist? Sydney’s shady colleague the office rival appears without warning. The grist? Henri and Sydney gaze longingly at one another in holiday pajamas, despite a vast chasm in financial perspective.

The gift and the curse is that nothing here lingers beyond a bubbly buzz on an unfilled belly. There’s a lack of real absorbent filler – the lead actress, still best known for her role in the TV series, delivers a strictly serviceable portrayal, all sweet surfaces and acts of kindness, almost motherly than romantic lead. Tom Wozniczka provides exactly the dollop of French charm with mild self-torture and nothing more. The gimmicks are unfunny, the love story is harmless, and the ending is predictable.

Despite its waxing poetic on the luxury of champagne, nobody claims it is anything other than a mainstream product. The things to hate are also the things to like. One might call an expert’s opinion about the film a champagne problem.

• Champagne Problems can be streamed on Netflix.